It Was a Beautiful Day - In Memoriam 9/11

Beautiful Day 

It's a beautiful day, I am reflecting on another day,

A word, or a sound or a statement can bring a tear

And all the memories flood back..........

God, it is such a beautiful day I wish I wasn't going to work.

'Hello! How are you ? Have a good ride.'It is so pretty out here"

'Hey, Some idiot flew his plane into the World Trade Center'

Too bad - a small tragedy, these things happen.

Probably a couple people have died, how sad

I wonder what happened?

Blah Blah the workday drones for a few minutes.

'Oh my God it was a passenger jet''...

God it was a passenger jet''.......

A passenger jet'

Several voices all at once

'There is another plane',

'Oh My God Oh My God Oh God...

'It just hit it

I can't believe this

This is crazy!

And now there is another plane somewhere

In Pennsylvania

and the Pentagon - the Pentagon

My client..................

'Wake up, please answer. turn on the TV,

Please call me, PLEASE!- it is important,

Something awful has happened,

Turn on the TV

'I love you, please call right away.

''Nanny, are you OK?

Have you seen the news?

I love you!

''Hello? Is your friend OK?

''Hello?; I love you - its on the news - ALL the news -

What?

''It fell''

What fell?

''It fell, it just fell''

WHAT FELL?

''One of the towers, it fell, just pancaked.''

There is another plane - over Pennsylvania

Please pay attention - They got New York - They got DC

What if they want to take away something historic?

What if

they want to destroy places that mean Freedom to US!

Philadelphia.

'We are so close to Philadelphia

And New York

In between

I am trapped.

'The other one is going down, the other one is going down

It just fell down right now'

'I love you, I have to call others.

Yes, their friend,

American Airlines, he flys for them

I love you

I will call you back

Please call me if you hear more

Wait - go to the bank - go now

In case.

Get money - not all, just some -

Just in case, and fill your gas tank

And get some water from the store

NOW please go now

-Everyone will be going soon

''Hello are you OK?

I know you are so close to the Pentagon

''I am fine, we felt the impact - I have to go

Traffic is gridlock, panic'

Its 3:00 p.m. now: We know so much already about who

I can't stay anymore - I have to go

I have to see my husband - I have to hug him

I just need to go

I NEED TO GO

Sirens everywhere

Jets flying overhead - we are less than an hour away

Go - its OK

The sirens and the jets

No road rage that day.

Everyone was calm'

You need to be in the other lane, no problem - go ahead.'

The police are at the Mosque.

Oh God this is what they want

They want us to hate, that is the real goal.

I am home, I hug my husband and my dog

I call my parents and grandmother

I tell everyone I love them.

The world has changed

It was such a beautiful day.....

****

A friend of a friend was on vacation from his job as an American Airlines pilot based in Newark NJ- he is alive today.

A friends' aunt did not come home that night, they never found her body, she is missed greatly.

Another friends' niece, a young girl just starting out, is alive today but she jogged out of Lower Manhattan while body parts fell around her. She is alive - but my God what memories she has to live with

I am just one of so many who will write today. There probably isn't a definition for the number of people who will express themselves on this most awful of anniversaries. My thoughts may be profound to no one and to everyone on this day.

They are important to me.

It is the first time I wrote it down - I am so lucky that I did not lose family or friend this time. My friends did. There is nothing you can say to someone to ease that pain. We must not forget this day

By the way - it is a beautiful day today, tell someone you love them, never assume there will be more time, because horrible things can happen on the most beautiful days.

Peace to everone, especially those who grieve in rememberance today, may you find the strength in the fond memories you hold of your loved ones.

I Wish I Could Draw - What Do You Wish You Could Do?

I can’t draw - I don’t have artistic talent – which stinks because I have artistic vision.
At least I think I do…
I had this vision:
A woman – backed against a high fence – really high fence, like twelve feet high.
It’s a chain link fence.
She is terrified and angry and confused all at the same time – it shows on her face and the rigidness of her body. There is someone/thing that has backed her up to this fence.
It has a hand on her right breast, holding her to the fence. Its other hand is over her face - its fingers are spread so you can still see the expression on her face and that hand is also pushing the woman against the fence. The head is pushed against the fence but slightly looking up at her right arm above her head
The woman has her right arm above her head and her fingers are gripping the fence
Her left arm is down and at an angle – the fingers are not through the fence but laying on top of the chain link.
Her left leg is lifted off the ground – like she is searching for a link to get her foot into
Her right leg is still on the ground.

The someone/thing pushing the woman against the fence represents all the demands/problems that the woman is facing. The fence represents that which is preventing her from dealing with/reconciling the demands/problems. The woman is looking up and notices that her one hand is grasping the fence –she can get over the fence if she tries. But in getting over the fence is she dealing with her problems or is she avoiding them because they would still be on the other side of the fence – she is conflicted with the exact meaning of the fence. Is it the obstacle to overcome or is it a means of just getting away from her problems and not really dealing with them?

What do you think – can someone draw that or paint that? I wish I could.
The picture I have in my head is interesting – I don’t think I did it justice in words.
Oh well – that is what is on my mind today – wish I was artistic.

The Letter I'm Not Sure I Should Send

Dear Niece:
Today you scared the hell out of me.
I realized you were home from the hospital and sent you an email through Facebook.
You responded that you wished you were still in the hospital.
Then we started chatting so it was easier to ‘talk’
You said you hated it at home. You said your parents were yelling at you.
This comment made me wonder if your parents were still having issues understanding your illness. It made me wonder if they were yelling at you to eat.
So I asked if you were using your coping skills to keep the conversation going with your Mom when you disagreed rather than closing up.
You said no, because everything you say is wrong. You said your Dad told you that and also that you were causing your mother anxiety.
Then you said you wished your anorexia had killed you.
Then you said that you didn’t deserve to live.
Then you stopped chatting. Regardless of my asking if you were crying or explained that I was going to need to call the house to check on you if I didn’t get a response.
And you didn’t answer your phone
And your Mom didn’t answer her cell phone
And no one in your house answered the house phone
Then you didn’t answer your phone again
Then, finally, you did answer your phone.
I asked you what you were trying to do. You said ‘Nothing’
I said that you can’t do that – make statements regarding the end of your life and then cut off communication.
You said your Mom had come into your room and was ‘staring’ at you.
I told you we could talk later and that I love you.
I haven’t heard from you since.

I have heard from your Mom.
I have her version of the ‘yelling’. You won’t give me yours. I think I know why, want to hear it?
Let’s see – First the ‘Yelling’
Now you didn’t break your promise to me – you didn’t lie – she yelled at you. But you didn’t tell me why. Did you? Did you know I would assume that she was yelling at you to eat which I have said is not OK in my book? Or did you know that I would tell you that it is understandable for a Mom to tell you that you could not be on the phone all night? Did you know that I would tell you that your Mom absolutely has the right to take your phone away? Your Mom pays for it right?
She probably yelled about the trip to the movies with your boyfriend too. Your Mom says that you were supposed to go to the movies and then come home. She says that you were supposed to eat dinner by 6:30. But you came home at 7:00, not from the movies but from your boyfriends’ house. And you hadn’t eaten.
Let’s look at this situation from your Moms point of view.
You have only been home for two days after being in the hospital for what, nearly two months? You are trying to recover from anorexia and bulimia – at the core of these diseases is lying. Lying about what you eat and lying about what you purge so that you have control over it – but lying none the less. Your Mom bought a lot of these lies and saw her little girl almost die. And within 48 hours of being back home you lie about where you are going. Now you may not see it like that – because you went to the movies and THEN went to your boyfriends’ house. But you were supposed to come home after the movie – and you didn’t and you didn’t call her. Your Mom sees that as a precursor to lying about food and you getting sicker – it will panic her. Frankly, it is understandable that she would panic, regardless of what you think she does love you. She may not show it in the ways that you want – but she does love you.
You should know that I pointed out that it was a really good sign that you ate as soon as you came home, with no fuss.
I know you want to be trusted – but trust is earned – if you lie about your whereabouts your parents are going to worry about everything that comes out of your mouth – because they don’t want you to die. Believe it or not – its true, I am certain.
Apparently after one of the above two incidents you directed your Mom to ‘Leave if you are going to be a bitch’
Guess what? It’s not OK to call your Mom a bitch. It is especially not OK to call her a bitch when you are a teenager and living in her home. And that is what you did –you can try to spin it anyway you want – but if you said those words then you called her a bitch.
And on my planet – teenagers who call their Mom a bitch get yelled at. And their Dads have a right to tell teenagers who do this are disrespecting their mother and that it will not be tolerated.
You don’t have a right to lump these incidents into all the reasons you think you want to be dead.
But you did.
See we get to why your Dad says you are ‘wrong’ now. Your Dad was pissed at you for calling your Mom a bitch but also for saying that you should be dead or you wished you had died or some version of that sentiment to your mother when she was correcting you for the phone use, the lying or whatever. He told you that saying this causes your Mom to walk on eggshells didn’t he?
Yeah, well that is legitimate too Kiddo. You don’t get to threaten suicide every time you do something wrong and get reprimanded for it.
Just because you are sick doesn’t mean you don’t have to obey all the normal rules that pretty much every teenager has to obey. When teenagers disobey they get yelled at and grounded and all that fun stuff.
So let me repeat something I said to you a bit ago – I don’t think its OK for your parents to yell at you about your illness. Meaning I don’t think yelling at you to eat is productive. Generally – I don’t think yelling is productive. That is why I encourage you to not yell and to stay calm to help your parents understand where you are and what you really mean.
But I have to tell you – when you break rules you are going to get yelled at and I don’t disagree with that. And disregarding the late hour when on the telephone, not telling your parents where you will be – full disclosure, and calling your parents names are all breaking the rules.
And using your illness to get back at your parents for reprimanding you when you deserve it is really low. You are smart enough to know exactly what you are doing, this is me you are talking to so don’t even try it.
Your parents love you – you don’t think they show it the way you want them to. Then you have to help them get there.
You have said to me on more than one occasion that your Mom ignores you. Your Mom has said on more than one occasion that she would leave you alone when you went to your room because when she was your age – if she went to her room she wanted to be left alone. I believe your Mom because she has said it more than once – exactly the same way. When you make crap up the story changes ever so slightly each time it is repeated – not so when she says this.
Work with that information. Are you going to your room because you can no longer express yourself but you would really like your Mom to come to you to keep at it?
Is it because one or both of you are yelling and you just wish there was a five minute time out so that you could get back to finding an agreeable place?
(By the way – you won’t always agree and until you are an adult living on your own Mom trumps you – it’s a fact of life and we all went through it).
This is one area that I know of where you each see the same situation differently. It’s an opportunity to learn about each other.

There is one more thing that I need to say.
I think you manipulated me, or tried to, with the passive-aggressive suicide talk and then cutting out the chatting. Do you know someone just this week posted that they would be dead within a few hours and they were? No one on her friend list checked on her. They said she was often making statements like that they said so no one took her seriously. Look it up – its on MSNBC, she lived in Great Britain.
I think you tried to manipulate me with the non-disclosure on why your parents were giving you a hard time. I was incredibly frightened for you. I didn’t deserve that.
I will give you respect – please give it to me as well.
I’m wrong? OK – tell me about it.

I told you before I might not agree with you. It looks like this is one of those times, but above all I love you.