Awareness

Not enough.
Never enough.
Always there to tell me so
Tell me what I would do if only I was true.
But gotta take it with a smile.
That's what is expected.
After all - there were terrible trials endured,
Unimaginable fires survived
Leaving invisible scars on the psyche
Extreme reactions are to be understood
Allowed.
This I should not forget
For time and memorial I should not forget
I never did, each word, each photo
Chosen with the greatest of care
Reaching past, around, through,
All the delicate threads of reason
Barely connecting the pieces of a mind
So delicate.
I twisted and turned and bent,
'Til I felt only pain. 
Strained,
So drained,
From the effort to refrain from respectful expression
Of my own thoughts
In deference to the supposed pain of another
Denied freedom for fear of cracking, crushing
Crumbling a soul
But
Its NOT enough, never enough, love for some.
Nothing is ever enough
And they are always there to let you know
That they were always kind
Well kindness isn't so very
When it dangles above your head like a blade
Sharpened to a razors egde
Ready to slice to the bone
For any perceived offense
Abused, used and refused
Character is in question

Fourteen to Twenty-One Days

Fourteen to twenty-one days
And I will be OK.
I will play the game,
Be what everyone wants me to be.
Expects me to be.
Quiet and Calm.
Easy.
Everyone will be pleased.
I will do what I am supposed to,
For as long as I have to.
I will leave the house again
Without feeling like my heart
May burst.
I wont cry.
In fourteen to twenty-one days
I will be OK.
I wont feel anything, again.
But everyone will feel better.
They can count on me again.
In fourteen to twenty-one days
I wont be able to feel
A thing.
Fourteen to twenty-one days
And I will be OK.
Just play the game.
Fourteen to twenty-one days
Everything is grey.
Bit of a shame.
Fourteen to twenty-one days
Hoped for another way.
Cant bear the blame.
Fourteen to twenty-one days
Shutting out the fray.
Obliterate the melee,
Extinguish the flame.
Fourteen to twenty-one days
The penalty I pay
For the benefit of others.

Imperfect

Love is the way.
But sometimes I do stray.
Try as I might,
Every single day
I am not so shiny.
I am not so bright.
I don't intend to hurt someone.
But sometimes I might.
There are days I struggle to fight,
An inner spite.
When I see some injustice
I know that I don't really have the right,
But I get the urge to fight.
My anger does come out.
I may shout.
I may pout.
Sometimes I don't arrive at a better way.
But in my heart, at the end of the day
Please know my goal is always
Peace and love.
I hope you understand
That I'm not perfect,
Though I do try,
There are days that I may fail in the eyes of some.
There are days when
I won't always be so nice.
I think I win more than I lose,
But there are days when I will be fierce,
And maybe ugly too.
If I feel a need to protect you.