Hot Pink Wedge of Death

Bathroom before bed and what do my poor tired eyes behold?

SPIDER!!!!!

Black, nickel sized and FAST!!

I tried sneaking up on it.  It moved at the freaking speed of light.  If it stayed still I might have tried to save it.  Put it outside.  But the movement, that was definitely an act of war.  So I accepted the challenge.

My body involuntarily began to River Dance and funny, squeaky noises came from my mouth.

Then I became still but for the flash of my arm bringing down the ‘Hot Pink Wedge of Death’ upon the creepy little thing.

Why do I break into River Dance before arachnicide?  And the squeaky noise?  What is up with that?

Not very stealthy – but weirdly effective.

Rest in peace my worthy adversary – you tried – but I have thumbs.

And hot pink wedges.

P.S. – Sorry.  I know spiders are good but they scare the shit out of me. :s